(To the tune of that classic of American music - Superstition by Stevie Wonder)
Got some Praise Band Worship
Lyrics on the wall
New song for this worship... See More
Couldn’t sing it at all
Fifty year old Pastor
Thinks he’s rocking out
Doing it for Jesus
Holy, without doubt
[Chorus]
When you tinker with things
That you don’t understand
Then we suffer
Praise Band Worship ain’t the way
Got some Praise Band Worship
Raise them holy hands
Swaying to the music
Grooving with the band
Keep me in a daydream
Keep me going strong
You just wanna save me
But you got it wrong
[Repeat Chorus]
Talk about what we do
To praise the Lord God
Is nothing but the Law
Beats us with that rod
So your Praise Band Worship
Didn’t give me Christ
Lousy Praise Band Worship
Comes at such a price
[Repeat Chorus]
Tuesday, July 13, 2010
Trinity 7
(The Gospel for Sunday is Mark 8:1-9 This isn't quite how it goes)
So, when jesus had preached a brief and entertaining sermon, he noted that people were still waiting around. So he said to his disciples, "I am certain that we can start to bilk these people now, for they've been willing to listen for a while. Let's lighten their pockets a bit before they go home." So then he stood and said to the crowd, "Oh yes, we need to have another collection for. . . um. . . mission work. . . so let's see what you have." And suddenly the people pulled out food and durable goods and gave it to Jesus, and then they went away. And Jesus said, "Ah, now disciples, we can live a life of luxury, and in our luxourious, cushy life, then we can maybe hold another one of these seminars and collect more."
But one of his disciples asked, "Um, aren't we at least going to do some mission work." And jesus thought, and then he said, "Okay, we'll go, we'll take some, just some, mind you, some of what we've gotten, we'll swoop on into some poor village, look like fantastic heroes, have people fawn over us, give them a little bit, and then come back to our own well stocked homes - and we'll feel really good about ourselves. Sound good?" And then there was much rejoicing, for the the disciples had much money and people thought they were doing such good work - and if many starved and died, oh what of that, oh what of that?
So, when jesus had preached a brief and entertaining sermon, he noted that people were still waiting around. So he said to his disciples, "I am certain that we can start to bilk these people now, for they've been willing to listen for a while. Let's lighten their pockets a bit before they go home." So then he stood and said to the crowd, "Oh yes, we need to have another collection for. . . um. . . mission work. . . so let's see what you have." And suddenly the people pulled out food and durable goods and gave it to Jesus, and then they went away. And Jesus said, "Ah, now disciples, we can live a life of luxury, and in our luxourious, cushy life, then we can maybe hold another one of these seminars and collect more."
But one of his disciples asked, "Um, aren't we at least going to do some mission work." And jesus thought, and then he said, "Okay, we'll go, we'll take some, just some, mind you, some of what we've gotten, we'll swoop on into some poor village, look like fantastic heroes, have people fawn over us, give them a little bit, and then come back to our own well stocked homes - and we'll feel really good about ourselves. Sound good?" And then there was much rejoicing, for the the disciples had much money and people thought they were doing such good work - and if many starved and died, oh what of that, oh what of that?
Monday, July 5, 2010
Trinity 6 - Not Quite
(The Gospel for this upcoming Sunday in Matthew 5:17-26 - this isn't quite how it goes.)
"So, we all know how hard it is to be perfect - so let's forget about that. I'm abolishing that idea - let's just try to be nice, to be okay. You know what, if you are an okay sort of person, I mean, as long as you aren't like Hitler or anything, well, then we'll let you into heaven. Just try hard to be good - well, no, just try not to be an utter tool, and that will be good enough for god. It's all good.
Oh, are there still any rules? Um - sure - um, you know, that old rule about not murdering, that's still pretty good. I know it can be hard, sometimes you get angry with people, but just keep a lid on it, don't fixiate on it, and just learn to chillax. Unless the other person is a tool - oh, then by all means, tell us all about it so we can avoid that person and not have to deal with him - I mean, oh, who wants to hang out around a buzz kill? So yeah, just be excellent to each other - unless someone isn't excellent to you. That will work - go have fun now - party on dudes."
"So, we all know how hard it is to be perfect - so let's forget about that. I'm abolishing that idea - let's just try to be nice, to be okay. You know what, if you are an okay sort of person, I mean, as long as you aren't like Hitler or anything, well, then we'll let you into heaven. Just try hard to be good - well, no, just try not to be an utter tool, and that will be good enough for god. It's all good.
Oh, are there still any rules? Um - sure - um, you know, that old rule about not murdering, that's still pretty good. I know it can be hard, sometimes you get angry with people, but just keep a lid on it, don't fixiate on it, and just learn to chillax. Unless the other person is a tool - oh, then by all means, tell us all about it so we can avoid that person and not have to deal with him - I mean, oh, who wants to hang out around a buzz kill? So yeah, just be excellent to each other - unless someone isn't excellent to you. That will work - go have fun now - party on dudes."
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